I don’t mean to rant. But I get distressed when well-meaning people pass on teaching that hurts innocent people.

I believe in submission. Someone must take the helm or chaos erupts and needs are overlooked. I just don’t buy the rot that’s taught as biblical submission.

A dear woman said, “We need strong men. Every wife should tell her husband, ‘I’m in your corner no matter what. I’ll follow wherever you lead.’” When I gave some real life examples of couples I’ve worked with, she saw another side.

Psalms 119:160 says, “The sum of Your word is truth.” Scripture makes sense only in the context of the whole.

I was part of a church that held my friend’s philosophy. In a committee meeting I expressed a thought different from the pastor’s. Afterwards a man said, “Give the preacher what he wants. He’s the preacher.”

The committee was to come up with plans that served the flock—not stroke the pastor’s ego. The discussion helped us discover the best plan. As a leader, I’d be appalled if my committee wasn’t free to share their opinions.

Another leader called herself “God’s anointed” to justify her control. Even in the Old Testament there were three offices—king, prophet, and priest. The priests had to confront King Uzziah when he became strong and proudly overstepped his role. (2 Chron. 26:16-23)

By: Mulligan Stu

A marriage study used the curse (Gen. 3:16-19) to validate this view of submission. Male headship in marriage isn’t a curse. When marriage was instituted the focus was on unity—becoming one—not one dominating the other (Gen. 2:23-24). Male oppression of women happens in cultures and homes dominated by sin.

If the curse represents the ideal of submission, then logic demands we ban pesticides, herbicides, and the use of anesthesia in childbirth and embrace the whole curse. Ephesians 5:17-31 is a better passage for understanding marital submission. In the original text the word submit isn’t in verse 22. It is implied from the previous verse, reinforcing the need for context and understanding of how submission looks for each party.

Jesus is our example of godly leadership and submission. Concerning leadership He said, “You’ve observed how godless rulers throw their weight around, how quickly a little power goes to their heads. It’s not going to be that way with you. Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave. That is what the Son of Man has done: He came to serve, not be served—and then to give away his life in exchange for the many who are held hostage.” Matt. 20:25-25 MSG

Godly leaders care about the needs of those they shepherd. Good sheep honor their leaders, but don’t put them in the place of the Good Shepherd.

“Be responsive to your pastoral leaders. Listen to their counsel. They are alert to the condition of your lives and work under the strict supervision of God. Contribute to the joy of their leadership, not its drudgery. Why would you want to make things harder for them?” (Heb. 13:17, MSG)

Years later, the preacher I was told to acquiesce to certainly became “strong.” He became a wolf that ravaged his flock and devoured those who served him. The controlling female leader forsook the faith. Godly strength is shown in humility. We understand our role by understanding God’s heart.

Question: What’s your view of biblical leadership and submission?

You can leave a comment by clicking here.


Debbie Wilson

Deborah W. Wilson

Ginny Wilson will be facilitating our women’s summer Bible study. Click here for more information.

Cecil Murphy gives a beautiful example of love expressed through service here.

Photo by: Mulligan Stu

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  1. Ann Musico

    Much needed post Deborah and clearly and beautifully done. I think this becomes a real problem when people don’t seek to understand God’s heart in submission. I’ve known women who were totally controlled in an abusive way by husbands who were simply being the “head” of their families. I always measure anything like this by what Jesus did while on the earth, how he conducted Himself and ask myself if the behavior or choice in question is something I believe He would do. We are to submit ourselves to God – but He doesn’t force us to do so – we do it out of respect and a heart of love and trust.

    • Debbie

      So well said, Ann. We submit as unto the Lord. Jesus called Himself gentle and humble. He issues an invitation, and doesn’t clobber or shame us. It grieves me when I see someone fearful and beaten down and they think they must not be loving enough or their husbands would change how they treat them.

  2. Marianne


    Submission doesn’t mean lobotomy (mindless) or being controlled by another person. God doesn’t control people — remember that He gave us free will because that is love.

    As Christians, we ALL (male and female) are given the mind of Christ and the Holy Spirit to direct us. I think we should allow our husbands to lead, but if they are leading in an ungodly manner, the Holy Spirit should be able to direct us on how to handle that situation rather than ignore it.

    I agree that male headship is not a curse and that two shall become ONE. Galatians 3:13 tells us that Jesus became the curse for us, so we are no longer under the curse. We are blessed not cursed!

    Have a Victorious Day!

    • Debbie

      Amen! What a savior to become a curse so we can be blessed.

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