Meanness: unkindness, unfairness, spitefulness, aggressive character. — Webster’s Dictionary
Today, Larry talks about dealing with mean people. Here are his thoughts.
Mean people cause great harm. How do we keep their actions from ruining our relationships with God, others, and ourselves?
Don’t Take Responsibility for the Actions of Mean People
When the perpetrator blames us for their actions, we may question ourselves and bend over backwards to appease them and stop the attacks. We take responsibility for actions we don’t control.
A family member falsely accused and characterized me of being disrespectful, so I tried harder to prove my character. I soon realized my conduct wasn’t the issue. They had a heart problem.
Train My Mind with Truth
Ephesians 6 says we battle not against flesh and blood…but against spiritual forces. God has provided Christians with weapons of divine power which include truth (2 Cor 10:3-5). Young David knew God was His companion and that Goliath was no match for Him.
When someone mistreats me, I can question myself. Do I deserve this? Self-criticism can lead to self-destructive behavior. For example, a mean-spirited parent can raise a child who believes he doesn’t deserve quality relationships. Knowing the truth of how God sees me protects me from the lies of my spiritual enemy. Knowing God’s Word lights my path (Psalm 119:105).
Go to RefreshingFaith.com for resources on how to deal with self-critical thoughts and resist manipulation. If we can help you with a personal relationship challenge, please contact us. You are important.
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Blessings,
Update
- Larry’s recovery is going well after a large blood clot removal. To learn how God saved him, read: A Psalm 139 Miracle
- Debbie’s new book on forgiveness has been submitted to the publisher. Pray for quality production.
- Couples are experiencing new intimacy. Pray for the continuation of healthy habits.
- Parents who are suffering because their adult children have rejected them. Pray for their comfort and wisdom.
Sometimes I link with these great sites:
#MondayLinkUp #InstaEncouragements, #TellHisStory, #Let’sHaveCoffee, #Grace&Truth
I’m happy to hear Larry is recovering well. This is a very appropriate post for the times we find ourselves in. Very helpful and thought provoking.
Thank you, Ann. We’re thankful he’s doing well. And yes, our culture seems to have exploded with mean-spiritedness.
When my kids were little and at war with each other, I used to tell them that even if a brother sinned against them, they were wrong to sin back. And I had to tell myself the same thing when I was dealing with their behavior toward me.
Forgiveness comes hard to little (and big) sinners!
Isn’t that the truth! Thanks, Michele for adding your experience.
It’s hard when the mean person is another professing Christian. I have to remind myself that person is His child as well and trust Him to work in their hearts. But that helps me remember they’re not “enemies.” Even if they were–God tells us to love enemies. But that doesn’t include kowtowing to them. We so need to be grounded in God’s truth of who we are in Him so others’ lies don’t seep into our minds.
Barbara, that is hard. Mean people make it hard to know how to love, when love does not rejoice in unrighteousness. I like how Proverbs provides discernment. I’m also glad the psalmists are so open.
Our messages have a similar focus this week, Debbie. I think God let us know that there are many that need assurance of His love. Thank you for reminding we our loved and protected by the Master. Wishing you blessings on this publication journey.
Thank you, Katherine. I agree. We need those reassurances in this world that can be hostile.
So very good to meet with Larry in person last week, and see him doing well! What a miracle!
I say “never give up” on another person, a creation of God’s! Keep on loving.
I couldn’t “click on the comments’ on your book announcement page, but maybe “Love that will not let Go” for a title?
Thanks, Janet.
I’ve been in that “kow-towing” stage until God opened my eyes revealing I was not the problem. I think realizing is the first stage. The second stage, like you mentioned, is stopping the appeasing behavior. I don’t know which is 3rd or 4th – but learning how to live and thrive in that situation and living forgiveness (even if it is a life-time of forgiving) – it’s not easy to live that, but it’s like a muscle memory. Why do our spirit muscles make it easier to “kow-tow” than to live free of un-just condemnation? Thank you for picking a challenging topic – and bringing grace to it!
Great insights, Maryleigh!
Another very helpful and important message. We need to always try to be kind and loving. I have to keep learning not to respond to a mean person with more meanness. Thanks for sharing
Yvonne, that is certainly our human tendency! Thankful for God’s gentle Spirit.
Mean people are tough and sad to deal with. I remember having a sister-in-law scream and yell at me when her mother – my mother-in-law – broke her hip when in hospital care. My sister-in-law blamed me for not getting her better care. My mother-in-law lived with me and I was her primary care giver and had the medical power of attorney. I was initially mad as I had spent hours and hours caring my sweet mother-in-law. I figured my sister-in-law was angry because she lived out of state and chose not to be involved in her mom’s caregiving until something went wrong. I was old enough and had lived enough to not take it personal.
Jimmie, what a story!! Good for you for not taking her attacks personally and knowing who you are and how you’d shown real care.