Help! I Hurt the One I Love

There’s nothing better than enjoying a close relationship with one who knows and loves us. In fact, good relationships contribute to a healthy life and are a godly priority (Eccles. 4:9-12; Jn. 17:21). Disruption of a relationship through insensitive behavior causes distance and damage. How can we mend a relationship when we caused the pain?

Here are three biblical steps to help restore closeness.

  1. Seek to understand the pain and hardship your words or actions caused.

Being sympathetic shows we get it and can be a safe companion again (1 Pet. 3:8). A quick, “Sorry,” isn’t a substitute for recognizing the hurt and harm that happened.

My mom’s motto was, “If I put it off long enough, maybe I won’t have to do it.” Unintentionally, my actions echoed this mindset. My procrastination conveyed the message that I didn’t care about Debbie’s concerns.

  1. Understand the cause of the damaging behavior.

If I don’t know the cause, how will I be able to make the necessary changes to make things better?

I realized I procrastinate in addressing areas that intimidate me. I had to learn it’s ok to ask for help in areas I feel inadequate.

  1. Create a plan to change.

The late Howard Hendricks used to say, “Aim at nothing and you’ll hit it every time.” We need a plan for true repentance and change (Pro. 29:18).

The late Howard Hendricks used to say, “Aim at nothing and you’ll hit it every time.” We need a plan for true repentance and change (Pro. 29:18). Share on X

I started a list of what Debbie needed me to do. When I told her what I’ve done so far, she smiled and encircled me in a big hug. “Thank you,” she said.

Someone who has been betrayed won’t believe things will improve if the betrayer is not following a plan to address the underlying issues. We can’t let shame keep us from asking for help. Humility opens the door for true change (James 4:6; 1 Pet. 5:6).

“Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you” (James 4:10 NASB 1995).

If we can help, please contact us.

Comment here.

Blessings,

 

Update

  • Couples are reconciling.
  • Blended families are becoming a team.
  • Young adults are experiencing fresh faith through studying the Bible.
  • Adolescents are walking with God despite peer pressure.

Sometimes I link with these great sites:

#InstaEncouragements, #TellHisStory, #Let’sHaveCoffee, #Grace&Truth

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29 Comments

29 Comments

  1. CJ

    Thank you Larry! Your transparency is very helpful! Tom and I benefited from reading your devotional today!

    • Yvonne Morgan

      Thank you Debbie for the wonderful suggestions and ideas for strengthening our relationship. We all need to be aware of the damage we can inflict.

      • Debbie W. Wilson

        Thanks, Yvonne. Larry is a relationship counselor so he deals with this all the time.

  2. Janet Conner

    There are times when we/I don’t “like” the one I love! That can be problematic!!

    • Debbie W. Wilson

      And sometimes we don’t like ourselves either. 🙂

  3. Janet Conner

    All the more humility needed!!

  4. Ann

    Wonderful tips and for sure humility is top of list. Especially in this angry, easily offended, divided world.

    • Debbie W. Wilson

      Ann, absolutely. We must have that. Thanks!

  5. Michele Morin

    Wonderful advice for marriage and ALL relationships. Loved the Hendricks quote!

    • Debbie W. Wilson

      Howard Hendricks was such an excellent communicator.

  6. Gina Castell

    A new friend did something I didn’t like and I gently confronted her. She was apologetic. I just wonder if I lost a friend. Was it worth. S as nd I was witnessing it to her.
    Regretting this.
    Gina

    • Debbie W. Wilson

      Gina, Proverbs says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” There is no real friendship without honesty. She may feel embarrassed. Some people don’t know you people can disagree with something you do but still love you. Our culture teaches the opposite of this. Thus no real closeness.

  7. Stephanie Sudano

    Larry great blog. Thank you!

    • Debbie W. Wilson

      Thanks, Stephanie!

  8. Lisa Brittain

    This is a fantastic and concise help for healing relationships. Difficulties arise in every relationship, but when we quickly take seriously the offense and make amends, our relationship grows stronger from that point.
    Thank you!

    • Debbie W. Wilson

      Thank you, Lisa. You’re so right.

  9. Ashley Rowland | HISsparrowBlog

    These are great reminders for any relationship. It can be hard to face our own mistakes and apologize, but it’s so worth it for the other person.

    • Debbie W. Wilson

      Ashley, it is hard to face our own mistakes, but, as you say, the reward is worth it.

  10. Joanne Viola

    Wonderful reminders for mending any relationship. All three points are wise and well taken. We can so make relationships so much more difficult than they need be.

    • Debbie W. Wilson

      Joanne, we certainly can. Humility is essential to healthy relationships.

  11. Barbara Harper

    This is great advice. Just saying “I’m sorry” is a good start but can seem like a brush-off if we don’t really address the problem and make an effort to understand and change.

    • Debbie W. Wilson

      Barbara, yes, it feels hollow when there is no effort to avoid committing the same hurt.

  12. Annie Yorty

    Larry, thanks for sharing these very practical ideas we can all use from time to time.

    • Debbie W. Wilson

      Thank you, Annie.

  13. Jean Potter

    My gf visited me for two days, I’m missing her.
    Our old dog is a Newfie, hubby went away for four days will be back tonight. Thanks be to God. Can’t get the extra lg dog outside. I picked up peepads for him.Gf bought them for us and spray too. To tired to spray so I’m hangin in other room that Bo won’t go in. Might have to say goodbye to Bo if he doesn’t improve, He is 8.5 years old! My patience is wearing thin.
    It’s goin to rain this afternoon. I’m glad ty God I’m tired and don’t have a hose out front by the new daisies that were planted last week.Been watering by hand nine plants.
    Hubby says I’m crabby he is right. I hung up on him. He said try to calm down. I got upset.
    I’ve been on strong heart medication. It working praise God. Cat is missing my
    hubby Tom is cryin a little and zoomed through the house. Hope he lays by me. He is put by me. Big old dog Bobo is sleeping amen.
    Ty for being there . I will listen to SBN live
    Bless you,
    Jean

    Ty for praying for me. Tears will cleanse my heart.
    Blessings to you Debbie

    • Debbie W. Wilson

      God bless you, Jean!

  14. Katherine Pasour

    Thank you for your transparency and humility, Larry. Your message is one of wisdom, compassion, and love. Thank you.

    • Debbie Wilson

      Thank you, Katherine.

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