I’m delighted to introduce you to Vanessa Hunt. She and her sister Heather Patterson write a beautiful blog, At the Picket Fence. Today she shares a devotional from their book Life in Season. Grab a cup of your favorite beverage and savor your pause.
Mellan-fall-y
We walked slowly down the hall together, his little hand clutching mine. The noise from the room got louder and louder the closer we got and the flurry of activity around the doorway was a good indication of just how important this particular room was. He spotted a few of his friends and quickly we were engulfed in the madness known as the first day of kindergarten.
His daddy and I passed his younger sister back and forth as we followed him around the room. He sat at his little desk and took out his school supplies, obviously pleased by the fact that he had his very own pencil case. His teacher showed him where to put his Tomas the Train lunchbox and before we knew what was happening it was time for the parents to leave. Hurried photos were taken, reminders were given and tears were blinked back before we turned to go. I knew that the significance of this moment was lost on my son. And that’s just as it should be. After all, when you are a 6 year old boy, you are only thinking about how many minutes it will be until you get to eat your snack and run around outside with your buddies.
As we walked towards the parking lot, I caught a glimpse of another classroom. The differences between the two weren’t lost on me. There were a few parents hanging around but they didn’t stay long. Hugs and kisses were kept to a minimum if there were even present at all and any tears on the part of parents would have been met with utter mortification from their child. This was the 5th grade after all.
With my daughter squirming in my arms, I stared at that doorway for a minute and thought about how big those kids looked, how much older. And, on that first day of kindergarten, dropping off my son for his first day of 5th grade seemed eons away. But, we all know, that’s not true now is it? Because, in the blink of an eye, there I was, saying good-bye to my fifth grader on the first day of school and feeling far more emotional about it than I did even on that day 6 years earlier when we had walked through the door to kindergarten.
Fall and back to school time brings with it such mixed emotions for me. There’s all of the excitement that a new school year brings and frankly I’m a sucker for the smell of brand new pencils. I love knowing that soon the air will be crisp and I’ll be wearing my favorite boots and sweaters. We’ll be visiting the pumpkin patch and, of course, in the back of our minds we know that Christmas is just right around the corner. But there’s another feeling that rises to the surface of my heart each year around this time. As my kids head off to begin new school year, a little bit taller, and all around me I see dramatic and colorful evidence of change, I’m left with an emotion that can only be described as bittersweet. It’s a feeling I’ve lovingly begun referring to as melan-fall-y.
Time is moving forward and moving quickly, too quickly, if you ask me. With each leaf that falls I think, “Slow down, slow down.” They reach this climatic moment and then fall to the ground in a pile while what remains above are bare branches. And then it’s done. And I know that there will never be another fall quite like this one, or the one last year, or the year before that. I can’t stop it all from happening, just like I can’t come due on my promise to put a book on my children’s heads to keep them growing so quickly.
In the past, I used to feel so conflicted about this melan-fall-y feeling that arose in me every year. How could I love this season so intensely and yet feel such a sense of sadness inside at the same time? And then I began to look at it in a different way. Perhaps this feeling wasn’t something to be pushed down. Maybe I was just supposed to sit in it. Let it come up all around me like when my sister and I would bury ourselves in the big pile of leaves our dad had just raked until only our eyes were visible. Maybe this season isn’t just about sweaters and boots and mulled cider candles and pumpkin spice lattes.
Maybe feeling melan-fall-y is actually a gift. A chance to pause and revel in this season before moving quickly onto the next one. Maybe walking through the woods, leaves crunching underneath, feeling that ache inside is supposed to remind me of how finite I am so that I can remember just how infinite my creator is. 2 Corinthians 4:18 says, “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” Maybe God built that ache right into me so that I would seek Him out. So that I would remember that this world isn’t my permanent home.
The truth is that while the leaves may fall off of them, the branches that seem so stark and bare hold new growth inside. New life. Fresh starts. And, like the time passing so quickly and my children getting older and my hair getting grayer there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it. I can’t control it. Frankly, I don’t want to. I want to celebrate each passing season, revel in my children’s growth, rejoice that there is such a thing as hair color kits. So, I choose to embrace my melan-fall-y feelings. I allow room for them in my heart. Not too much room. But just enough to keep me keenly aware of just how fleeting this world is and just how truly grateful I am for every moment I have in it.
Question: Does the approach of fall affect your feelings? If so, how? Click here to comment.
Sometimes I link up with these great sites:
#Wedded Wednesday, #HeartEncouragement, #LivefreeThursday, #Grace and Truth, ,#TuneinThursaday, #Dance with Jesus, #Fresh Market Friday,
Oh Debbie, would you believe that this is being published here on the same day that my youngest is starting 5th grade?? Time really is moving so quickly and I still feel a bit melancholy as we head into a new season but I’m still so grateful for that little bit of ‘ache’ that reminds me that I need to put my hope in the Lord and His promises. Thank you so much for sharing my heart with your community here today!
Wow, Vanessa. I love how God recycles lessons to encourage us and to encourage others. Thanks so much for sharing! And give you young ones big hugs tonight!
I, too, love the fall and have such an ache in my heart as I walk in the leaves and smell the air. I’ve never thought about just accepting and immersing myself in that feeling. I’m going to do that this year as I watch the leaves fall and the days getting shorter. Thank you for sharing. It warmed my heart!
Carol, I often think the ache in my heart is a longing for heaven where there will be no more goodbyes only new discoveries and joy. Until then, I too want to learn to savor the moments.
I needed to read this (and cry a little) because I am “Melanie-fall-y” and would rather not be. Love the colors and smells, so I think it’s the thought of returning to school (college really) that makes me sad. I will determine today to try to view it differently. After all, I’m 68 so thinking about school shouldn’t be that sad
Ella, I think seasons remind us of past experiences. I happen to love fall because I anticipate Christmas and holiday times. And I feel better in cool weather. January is harder for me. Holidays are past and messy weather. 🙂
Hi Ella! Isn’t it so reassuring to know that we aren’t alone in those feelings? I’m so glad that my story encouraged you to view the passing seasons differently. I hope you will pop over sometime and visit us At the Picket Fence.com!
Blessings,
Vanessa
Debbie I can relate to this on so many levels! I am visiting my 10 month old grandson this weekend and was just thinking – he will be one in October – how did that happen so quickly! And then I was thinking – how did my “baby” just turn 30 this year and now be a dad himself? These milestones, especially at this time of year, can make you feel so introspective and a little melancholy as you realize how quickly time is passing. But it’s better to just feel the feelings and then move on – knowing it’s part of God’s plan and enjoy each moment. Loved this post.
Ann, it is so true, the older you get the faster life goes. It seems like yesterday mine were starting school.
Hi Ann! It really does go so fast doesn’t it?? I’m so glad you enjoyed my story and I hope you will visit us over At the Picket Fence sometime. Enjoy those sweet moments with your grandson!
Blessings,
Vanessa
I have a senior this year. I’ve been mean-fall-y myself!
Time goes so fast when we watch our children grow. Thanks for joining the conversation, Helene.
Helene my oldest started 8th grade this year and I know I’m going to blink and he’ll be a senior! Thank you so much for commenting on my story and I hope you will visit us over At the Picket Fence soon.
Blessings,
Vanessa
Beautiful post, and I love the red leaf!
The change of seasons doesn’t bug me. I’m trying to make sure I live to see the next sunrise, and whether it dawns with summer or winter ight is immaterial. I just want to SEE it.
Your neighbour at From Messes To Messages.
https://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2017/09/your-dying-spouse-359-god-give-me.html
Andrew, your perspective relays the wisdom Moses prayed for when he asked God to teach us to number our days. Thanks for bringing us back to that. Blessings to you.
Beautiful post. My birthday is in October, and I am naturally a melancholy personality. I love this quote and I’m sharing it on Facebook today: “Maybe feeling melan-fall-y is actually a gift. A chance to pause and revel in this season before moving quickly onto the next one. Maybe walking through the woods, leaves crunching underneath, feeling that ache inside is supposed to remind me of how finite I am so that I can remember just how infinite my creator is.”
Sarah, thanks for sharing, and I hope October is a happy birthday month for you!
Oh thank you so much for sharing my quote on FB Sarah! I’m so glad that the story resonated with you (you can find so much more like it in our book ‘Life in Season’!) and I hope you will pop over and visit us At the Picket Fence soon.
Blessings,
Vanessa
I’m intrigued by your perspective, Vanessa, since fall for me always stirred positive feelings. But I get the whole nostalgia and capturing that moment in time kind of pause that moms need to take, especially when our kids are young and growing so darn fast! I’m so glad you are doing that. I probably didn’t do it often enough and now my three sons are all young adults with their own lives to build and pursue. It feels vastly different for me than it did when they were entering another grade. But you are right, these ultimately are moments that should remind us of our finiteness in comparison to God’s infiniteness. I’ll be pondering that on this almost fall day! Thanks to Debbie too for highlighting you today!
Beth, I’m like you. I love fall. And I wish I’d paused more when mine were little. Love to you!
Hi Beth! I’m really just a jumble of feelings since I LOVE fall and knowing the holidays are coming but just wanting it all to slow down too. It’s a dilemma, right? LOL! But, yes, I’m trying to look at it more as the reminder that this isn’t our true home and that perspective helps me to just try and go with the flow and make the most of each day. Thank you so much for commenting on my story and I hope you will pop over and visit us At the Picket Fence.com sometime!
Blessings,
Vanessa