One summer my aunt made homemade strawberry ice cream. Thick pink cream with bits of red strawberries dripped off the churn’s paddle she laid on a platter. We eagerly accepted our bowls to sample this picture-perfect treat. But one taste screamed something was wrong. My aunt had mistaken the teaspoon abbreviation with the tablespoon when measuring the salt.

Ratios matter in recipes and in relationships. I came across the following info that points out the importance of ratios. Unfortunately, I didn’t save where I read this. But the findings are worth sharing. Twenty-four couples were asked to list every day what pleased them and what displeased them in their relationships. Here is what the researcher found.

• Happy couples listed 52 pleasing items and 3 displeasing per day.
• Unhappy couples listed 26 pleasing items and 8 displeasing per day.
• Happy couples had a 17 to 1 ratio of pleasing to displeasing items a day.
• Unhappy couples had a ratio of 3 to 1 pleasing to displeasing

The unhappy couples’ 3-1 ratio of pleasing to displeasing daily items surprised me. I would have thought the number of unpleasant items would have outnumbered the number of pleasures.

Remember the salty homemade ice cream? Think how much more cream, sugar, and strawberries were in the ice cream than salt. Yet, 1/8^th of a Tablespoon of salt ruined a half-gallon of ice cream.

Focus on What You Like

In a counseling class, the late Christian counselor Norm Wright presented studies of married couples that showed that what we focus on grows. The more attention focused on positive areas, the more prevalent the positive becomes. The more energy exerted on a negative aspect in a person or a relationship, the worse that negative trait becomes.

Lucretius (c. 96-55 B.C.) was a Stoic philosopher who understood this. He taught that love made a man miserable. To eradicate love, one must concentrate upon his beloved’s faults.

Focused energy and attention work like fertilizer. Attend to the area you want to grow. If we want a positive quality to grow, water it with focus.

We don’t ignore a negative area that needs addressing. But like salt, the ratio should be small. The bulk of our energy should go to what we want to enhance.

Human nature tends to take for granted the good and point out when someone fails to meet our expectations. For example, are you more likely to contact a vendor when they meet your expectations or when they mess up?

An ancient quote reads, “Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.” Zeuxis (464 ~ 400 BC) Let’s be craftsmen anyway!

Strength Finder

Consider the roles you play in your different relationships (spouse, parent, sibling, friend, coworker, overseer). Pick one and consider how you can nurture the good in that relationship this week. Remember the ratios. Lots of small positives add up to one big win!

“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.” (1 Thes. 5:11 NLT)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Gal. 5:22-23 NASB)

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”  (Proverbs 18:21)

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Blessings,

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