I know what it’s like to be hard on yourself. Maybe you do too. Today Larry offers insights and tips to help those of us who lean this way. Now here’s Larry…
Do you lack joy, faith, or energy? You might be among the many who are too hard on themselves. Yes, God wants us to be holy, blameless, and above reproach. Yet this comes from Him working in us according to His good pleasure.
When we put undue pressure on ourselves, we may step away from what He wants for us. Paul instructs us to think about the things that are excellent and worthy of praise (Phil. 4:8). Critical self-talk does not fit into this category.
Living by standards produces legalism which stunts our spiritual growth and creates hardship for those around us. If you’re hard on yourself, you may wonder how you can escape this bondage. Here are two suggestions.
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Be careful what you listen to.
Critical voices, past or present, can stir bondage. Listen to what is constructive (Ephes. 4:29). Correction, yes. Critical faultfinding, no. Not feeling satisfied unless we meet certain standards may spring from a need to prove our worth to ourselves or others. God already established our worth at the cross.
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Choose friendships carefully (Pro. 12:26).
People who don’t accept themselves may struggle to accept us. Paul told Timothy to invest in people who live the faith (2 Tim. 2:2). Spiritual maturity helps us grow in grace and be less critical of ourselves and others.
A person who continues to be hard on themselves may show hyper control in certain areas and lack control or overindulge in other areas. Living by the power of God’s Spirit produces the transformation that living by our standards never can.
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Blessings,
Resources—for those who tend to be hard on themselves
Seeing how God deals with His imperfect children helps me extend grace to myself in my shortcomings. Follow this link to three studies that will help you enjoy a Big God despite your limitations and circumstances.
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Great article that was very timely for me today. Thanks
Amy, I think there are a few of us that need that reminder. God bless you!
God has high standards, but He understands us and forgives us when we confess. This statement from the post sums up our standard: “Living by the power of God’s Spirit produces the transformation that living by our standards never can.” Amen.
Amen! We tend to focus on the external, like the Pharisees, while He changes our hearts.
Enjoyed Mr. Larry. In my desire to become the best at everything I do/did, I became far too self-critical. Once I was saved, Satan only poured salt into that wound, reminding me every time I messed up that I could never be a Christian and I would always fail. With time, and lots of God’s patience, He showed me how to change all that with one simple letter. Today, I don’t fail, I fall. I FA(L)L into His arms and seek His forgiveness, guidance, and help. More great insights sir. Thank you both for sharing.
J.D., I want to remember how you reframed that! Wonderful reminder of God’s grace.
“Spiritual maturity helps us grow in grace and be less critical of ourselves and others.” I am finding this to be so true as I grow older and my walk with the Lord grows deeper. Thank you both for sharing your wisdom.
Me too, Joanne. I actually think that is a form of humility, recognizing our limitations and need for God’s grace in our life.
I have always been hard on myself all my life. As I have grown in my relationship with the Lord, matured (or gotten older, however you want to look at it!) and lived life, especially as a parent and now grandparent, I have learned to give myself at least as much grace in certain areas as I would one of my children or a friend. I trust He knows exactly where I am in my development and it isn’t a surprise to Him!
Thanks for highlighting an important issue.
Ann, you’ve highlighted an important principle. To treat ourselves with the grace we would extend others!
I can fall into this category without realizing what I am doing. After much frustration and despair, I finally do figure out what is wrong. I especially appreciate Larry’s comment, “Not feeling satisfied unless we meet certain standards may spring from a need to prove our worth to ourselves or others. God already established our worth at the cross.” This is the root of our self-condemnation, when we try to measure up to other people or our own unrealistic expectations. Thanks to both of you for sharing.
Barbara, that need to prove our worth I believe began with Adam and Eve’s fall. So thankful for God’s patience with us.
Great wisdom!
Thanks, Brian!
So easy for those of us who are hard on ourselves to be relying on our self-salvation strategies instead of the Lord!
Well said, Michele. Never works, does it?
Refraining from critical self-talk is probably one of the things I should work on!
You’re in good company, Jerralea.
Pithy and wise insights, Larry. Thanks!
Annie, thanks so much for reading.
Larry, great lesson. I needed to hear this today.
Visiting today from Let’s Have Coffee #24&25
Thanks, Paula. I’m glad it fit a need for you today.
Great and timely message Debbie. This is something I need to work on. I do tend to beat myself so thanks for sharing this.
Me too, Yvonne. Larry kindly points it out when I head that way. 🙂
It’s interesting to me that some people are more prone to this than others. I wonder why that is … perhaps it has to do with not feeling loved unconditionally at critical times in one’s life. If grace has been extended to us, maybe it’s easier to extend grace to ourselves? Thanks for this thought-provoking post!
Good questions, Lois. It may have to do with what you mentioned. I wonder if personality and birth order also contribute. My mom always said that as the firstborn I was the guinea pig.