Dealing with Blamers

Hillary Clinton blamed a “right wing conspiracy” for the mountain of moral and ethical issues that dogged her husband. Sammy Sosa, blamed a “mix up” in using an illegal corked bat which he said had been intended to provide greater entertainment for the fans during batting practice. Adam blamed Eve and God for his decision of disobedience in the Garden (Genesis 3:12).

Blamers are people who don’t accept personal responsibility and attempt to relieve their guilt and pressure by transferring blame upon others. Sometimes they are audacious like Hillary and at other times they are more subtle through sly criticism or an unspoken cold shift in the way they relate to those they are blaming.

The Bible, which is God’s living wisdom for living with Him and others is clear that we all make mistakes and we will sin against Him and others. We must be receptive to honest and helpful feedback and take responsibility for our errors and immaturity. Yet, it is also true that we must filter accusations or attitudes towards us to validate their reliability. God wants us to be discerning so that we are following and learning from Him and not someone else who may have personal issues or disappointment stirring and steering them.

How can we discern and respond to blamers?

1. Blamers usually don’t change. Unless of course they invite God to change them (Luke 3:14). They usually never admit wrong and are never satisfied. They have a continuous insecurity that doesn’t make room for the confidence to admit wrong. Blamers don’t feel accepted so they can’t own up to anything that might be seen as unacceptable. To accept illegitimate blame from them doesn’t help them find acceptance. It rather reinforces their human unspiritual strategy of finding personal acceptance in personal justification rather than God’s justification (Romans 3:23,24). Blamers stay on a miserable merry-go-round trying to hook others to ride with them so they can find some temporary solace in blaming others for their problems.

2. Blamers need to be loved carefully. They usually have a prominent position in our lives and can wield a lot of influence on us. The filter that will protect us from their condemnation and control is a heart and mind that is freshly washed with scripture and the Holy Spirit. Protection isn’t dependent upon their actions, it’s dependent upon our perspective, which is formed by God’s spirit and His words (Proverbs 2:9-12).

I imagine that among the many reasons Jesus spent time alone with His Father was so that He would be able to have a strong clean filter in dealing with the many he saw. Some were genuinely seeking while others were ingenuous schemers. The Bible says He said and did nothing apart from the Father’s will, and what the Father told Him (John 8:28, 29).

I’ll pray that we will all stay teachable and open to feedback even when it stings. Also that we will be able to discern if we are becoming hooked into illegitimate blame. Stay strong and keep your perspective filter washed daily. It’s the way we can truly love God and the blamers in our lives.

Blessings,
Larry

Special News: We have moved our office 5 minutes away to 104-D Fountain Brook Circle in Cary. These office condos are off Kilmayne Drive, which connects Kildaire Farm Road to Maynard Road. God has given us an opportunity to have our office at approximately the same monthly expense and be able to have larger rooms that will better accommodate families and small groups. Our hearts are filled with gratitude for all who prayed, volunteered, and gave to make the necessary renovations and move happen. The Lord even held off torrential rain on moving day until we had our things in the office. We now have to pay for the outstanding bills and trust God to continue to provide what is needed. Thank you for your friendship. Everyday we have children, men, women and families who come in needing help moving through the barriers in their lives. We are able to help them find God and His ways because of you. Many could not afford to pay for counseling but all are able to come to Lighthouse Ministries because we do not charge. Thank you for helping Lighthouse be here for them.

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1 Comment

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