Tis the season of gift giving. Have you ever considered the gift of correction? Larry talks about the power of constructive correction.
The Gift of Correction
“Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” ~ Proverbs 27:5 (NIV)
George Brett languished in the minor leagues as a professional baseball player. On the verge of giving up his dream to play in the major leagues, he met Whitey Lockman, a batting coach. Lockman corrected the way Brett held his bat. Brett embraced the correction, and his hitting took off transforming his baseball career into a storied Hall of Fame career with the Kansas City Royals.
How do you deal with correction? The Bible calls correction a good gift, especially concerning significant areas (James 5:19, 20). Receiving correction takes humility. Giving it well takes love (Ephesians 4:14-15). Here are two considerations which can help us make correction a good gift.
Highlight the action not the person.
Let the Holy Spirit deal with the person while we address the problem. “I miss our dinner times together,” is easier to hear than, “I can’t count on you to be here for dinner.” Such remarks open a door for the Holy Spirit to correct, and “gracious words promote instruction” (Proverbs 16:21NIV). If this correction helps someone become more in tune, that’s a good gift.
Understand what drives the behavior (Proverbs 20:15; John 4:1-42).
When Jesus spoke with the woman at the well who had had five different husbands and was living with a man she wasn’t married to, He understood her inner thirst for intimacy was driving her.
I spoke with a girl who became sexually involved in her dating relationships. When I asked her why she agreed to be sexually involved, she assumed the young men wouldn’t want her without it. We talked about her true value and attractiveness from God. She said, “No more sex.”
Understanding helps us correct the real issue. When we give the gift of correction, it’s usually done sparingly, gently, and with some risks. We can be mislabeled as critical or controlling. Regardless, we want to help the ones we love live “Hall of Fame lives”.
If we can help you with this or another relationship challenge, please contact us. You mean a lot to us.
Update
Clients are learning a simple method for hearing God speak to them from the Bible.
Debbie is writing a book on forgiveness.
Clients are making progress in breaking bad habits.
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We don’t usually think of constructive criticism as a gift, but these words can make us better. Thanks for sharing!
I agree. As a counselor, I know Larry wants to think of his correction as a gift. 🙂
God corrects those whom He loves. Thanks, Larry, for giving clear strategies for us to imitate Him under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Blessings!
Annie, that’s a great verse. As parents we also correct because we love and want our children’s best.
Loved your message because, in my heart, I know it is a gift but it is something difficult to hear at time. Thank you and Merry Christmas
The example you give of “gracious words promote instruction” really high-lights the pattern modification needed. I would love a whole list of pattern breakers for gracious words that promote instruction. One of my sons and I both better understand once we see the pattern code – then we can master it. Patterns codes in math and language arts can be broken – in art, too. I determined that if people need pattern codes broken in those areas, then they also need behavioral pattern codes broken for them to see. (I’ve written a couple of children’s books that hopefully add a step in processing to break open the code for some areas of behavior). Thank you for give that example – and, yes, I would like a book of them! LOL –