Who are the blamers in your life? Blamers are great travel agents for guilt trips. They skillfully cast blame on others either by direct statements or through their innuendoes. This sends the recipient into a state of agitation or discouragement. Even when they are unaware of what they are doing, blamers present a real problem for those they affect.
The greatest commandments are to love God and others; including blamers. Protecting ourselves from situations that put invalid judgements upon us enhances our ability to love (1 Corinthians 4:1-4; Galatians 1:10, 5:1).
To deal with blamers:
1. Don’t become responsible. You cannot change them nor can you satisfy them. Pascal stated “There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus.” Blamers have a vacuum in their hearts that you and I are unable to fill. When we accept invalid blame or responsibility for the sake of temporary peace, we have not helped, but may have caused harm. By reinforcing their delusion, we’ve agreed to falsehood and we have damaged the potential for a good, honest relationship with them.
2. Stand for the truth. Truth is very important to God and very important for us (Proverbs 15:4, Colossians 3:9, John 1:14; 8:32). When we refuse to accept invalid blame or guilt we are standing for the truth, not ourselves, which is an indication we are living close to God.
There have been times I haven’t realized that another was blaming me for something until after the encounter. At those times I declared what was really true to myself and the Lord. I threw off the heavy encumbrance of the implied accusation. I experienced inner joy and freedom. The truth set me free.
We pray that you will be strong as you deal with and love the “blamers” in your life.
Blessings,
.
Ministry Update
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Hi Larry….sure am enjoying the blogs. Debbie…I just finished Tom Rath’s book “How full is your bucket? He says as far back as the 1950’s the secular world has had research that shows praise and looking for strengths in others is far superior to looking for faults.
If search the bible for ” quarrelsome” and “bearing false witness,” you’ll find some interesting things. Yes, they are to be loved, but also avoided. Perhaps the isolation that comes from this type of sin is by God’s design? In fact, all sins have punishment already built into it. There is a natural order of relationships that is as true as physics and mathematics, and don’t require a mystical, pseudo-spiritual explanation. God did design this Universe after all. Blamers fall under the category of bearers of false witness and Bearing false witness is a sin that goes back to Deuteronomy 5 and has as much weight as the other 9 commandments. So the existential question then becomes: how do I love someone who should be avoided?