3 Sure Fire Ways to Better Engagement

by | Mar 7, 2017 | Relationships | 19 comments

Is there someone you care for but can’t seem to reach? They seem detached or don’t understand you. What’s missing is engagement.

Webster defines engage: “to mesh with.” Being with someone and failing to connect is as satisfying as hugging someone wrapped in vinyl. In helping folks engage, I’ve noticed three factors that make a difference.

  1. Ensure Safety
    A friend repeated a private conversation that created severe misunderstanding and hurt with a third party. My friend has good qualities and is fun to be with, but I’m now guarded with him. When we don’t feel safe, we won’t engage. Share on X “He who repeats a matter separates intimate friends” (Pro. 17:9 NASB).
  2. Remove Secrets
    There is a place for secrets. On our trip to Poland, when it was under communist rule, our discretion affected the well-being of those we served. But secrets generally isolate us. When we hide something about ourselves we usually withhold a part of us. Knowing we’ve been forgiven and living without shame frees us to engage with the people we love.
  3. Add Skills
    The disciples needed help in knowing how to pray. Sometimes we need help knowing how to engage. Being more personal in our communication can help. This may include acknowledging how the other person’s actions please you. For example, “Seeing you happy in your work makes me smile.”

For Men Only

I will be hosting an evening on “Setting the Stage for Better Engagement” at Lighthouse on April 4th, 7:00-9:00 P.M. for single and married men. The session is our gift to you. Please call (919) 469-2477 or email your reservation to lighthouseministries@mac.com.


  • Children from some broken families are regaining their joy.
  • Couples are becoming more intimate.
  • Parents are getting on the same page.

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Sometimes I link up with these great sites:

#Teaching What Is Good#w2wwordfilledwednesday, #Wedded Wednesday, #Women with Intention, #Moments of Hope, #HeartEncouragement, #LivefreeThursday#Grace and Truth, #Dance with Jesus,  #Fresh Market Friday

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  1. Ralph Smith

    Wish I could attend. I know it will be worthwhile.

    • Debbie Wilson

      Ralph, I know you would add a lot. But the commute would be grueling!

  2. Ann

    Thank you for sharing those tips.

    • Debbie Wilson

      Ann, thank you for your encouragement.

  3. Michele Morin

    Deb, what fun to hear from your husband!

    • Debbie Wilson

      Thanks, Michele! Have a great week.

  4. Pam Ecrement

    You’re so right about engagement and how often we may not take time to do it or not even notice that we aren’t! Sounds like a great program you’re offering for guys! Hope you get a great response!!

    Have a blessed day, my friend!

    • Debbie Wilson

      You too, Pam!

  5. Beth

    These are great tips, Debbie. And it’s something that most couples struggle with–especially men–I mean, being willing to let their guards down with their wives. I’m sure it goes back to “feeling safe.” I think women try to push for engagement far too hard and unwittingly push our men into a very cramped and confined corner. No one likes to open up when we feel like that! Thanks for your wise perspective and I’ll pray for your special speaking event for men, my friend! I bet it will be incredible!

  6. Beth

    Whoops, I see now from Michele’s note that this was Larry, your hubby, writing! Well, I’ll send up prayers for his talk with men too! 😉

    • Debbie Wilson

      Thanks, Beth. He’s offering the class. I guess I should introduce him when he shares. Actually, he puts his ideas down, and I put them together for his newsletters. I’d love to do more with him. He has great insights.

  7. Maree Dee

    Great tips. Engagement is key to good relationships

    • Debbie Wilson

      Thanks for reading, Maree.

  8. Dawn

    Recently I had the privilege to listen to a momma who needed to be heard in her hurt and pain. I had walked a similar road with my child years before, so she was asking me about my journey. I realized that she didn’t need my answers as much as she needed to be heard. Listening is really one of the most significant skills of being able to engage with others better. It is not as easily taught as it is caught, perhaps… or rather, learnt by doing.

    Engagement is necessary for relationships to grow, isn’t it?

    • Debbie Wilson

      Absolutely, Dawn. Listening is crucial to engagement which is necessary for healthy relationships. I’m sure your listening ears made a difference for her. It’s amazing how much it helps when we feel heard and understood.

  9. Jerralea

    So true that we need to feel safe before we can really share. I know I am often called upon to listen; and when I do, I try my best to guard what has been shared.

    Hope your men’s event goes well!

    • Debbie Wilson

      Confidentiality is so important. Thank you, Jerralea.

  10. Aimee Imbeau

    Finding a safe person to confide in is extremely difficult. But I am so thankful that I can trust my husband with my whole heart. Thanks for sharing these great tips on Grace and Truth.

    • Debbie Wilson

      Thank you, Aimee. A husband you can trust with your whole heart is a true gift.

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