A young wife told me that when her husband won’t listen to her, she takes off her blouse and says, “Now that I have your attention, would you please listen to what I have been trying to tell you?”
Husbands complain that their wives aren’t interested in sex, and wives complain that their husbands don’t listen to them. Are the two connected? I believe they are, and learning to meet each other’s needs brings satisfaction to both.
Women, in general, need to feel emotionally connected before they want to be sexually connected. Men generally don’t need this preamble to sex. This means good sex requires selflessness from both parties.
Husband, your wife wants to know that you love her all day, not just 20 minutes before going to sleep. God gives some great instruction in this area.Your wife wants to know that you love her all day, not just 20 minutes before sleep. Click To Tweet
“Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7 NASB).
For a woman, good sex begins with understanding. Some men and women balk at the “weaker vessel” reference. A man may see his wife as emotionally stronger, better with numbers, and better at connecting with people. How could this apply to his wife?
Let’s consider weaker in a different context. When you mail something delicate; let’s say a sensitive electronic device, you pack it carefully and write across the package “Handle with care.” The device may be very powerful, but it needs special handling. Husbands need to remember those words in regard to their wives. God is saying, “Husband, treat your wife with tender care.”
Considering the difference between a fine china teacup and a sturdy terra-cotta pot might also help our understanding. We can safely hose off a terra-cotta pot in our driveway without fear of damaging it. However, we handle teacups with care. China is actually stronger per weight than terracotta, but because it is made to be light, we treat it with care.
Your wife is fine china. She is not one of your guy friends. Be careful how you tease her. Don’t embarrass her. Listen to her. Ask God to help you understand her needs. She doesn’t want an instant fix for her problems. But she does want to feel understood. She wants a partner that won’t crumble or run when she feels emotional and afraid.
She also longs to feel emotionally close to you. Share with her a conversation or something you read that resonated with you. What made you angry, sad, or glad today? What are your dreams and concerns? Share yourself, not just your body.
Cheerfully pitch in and help in the kitchen or with the kids. Initiate something you know she would enjoy doing. A woman wants to “make love” not “have sex.” Your involvement tells her you love her.
How you treat your wife is serious business to God; so serious it affects how He answers your prayers. How you treat your wife reflects your relationship with Him and can pay big dividends. While on prayer, have you prayed about your sexual relationship with her?
Do you want a better relationship with your wife? Do you want a great sex life? Try God’s time tested advice.
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Debbie W. Wilson
I will definitely be sharing this with my husband. He’s an amazing man. He actually does unload and load the dishwasher in the morning before work, he takes out the trash, and he works hard for this family. He trusts me and allows me to make important decisions. And most importantly, he loves the LORD with every fiber of his body. I have been so blessed with him and by him. But as you have mentioned above, men are so clueless when it comes to understanding that romance starts in the a.m. if sex is wanted in the p.m. Hopefully, when I forward to this to him, he will see that it’s not just his wife that says and thinks this, but it’s all women. LOVE THIS! Thank you! This was a discussion we had in the shower this morning 🙂
This is so very true. My husband is not perfect, but most of the time I think he “gets” this. I’m a blessed wife, indeed!
Debbie, that’s the best explanation I ever heard of the need for and the benefits of treating my wife lovingly. You are a super counselor!
We have been married 16 years. Total sex has been 4x. Our first timed we had sex was 3wks after wedding. My husband had not been intimate with me , for > 12 yrs . Should I pray or run to divorce attorney?
Debbie Wilson says
M, I suggest you call my husband, Larry, 919 469-2477 or talk to someone you trust to give you wise counsel. You both need encouragement and help. If he doesn’t want it, you find it without him.
Monty Torres says
You all are lucky my wife hasnt had sex with me in over 3yrs going on 4 now
I would like to be encouraged. I have not had sex in so long l can’t remember?